The "To-Do" List

I am leaving for the airport in about 1 1/2 hour. Surprisingly, right now, I feel nothing. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that the time is 4am and I am thinking about crawling back in bed. Originally, I had plans to write some elaborate entry here about what this trip means to me. But really, right now, I just can't do that. On an almost obsessive level, I keep checking and rechecking my bags and documents - positive that I will forget something vital, like my passport, ID, insect repellent, or underwear.

I am leaving knowing I have some of the best friends in the world. The last few days, I have holed myself away at home, dealing with my nerves, feelings, and packing for this trip. I found myself to be cranky and each friend gave me the space I needed while I gathered my strength to go on this journey. Last night at dinner (see above picture), my friends asked me if I was ready and I couldn't answer the question. I was a bundle of nervous energy and wasn't able to focus enough to even search for the answer. Here I am now, needing to hop in the shower, make sure the cats have water, and re-check that I have all the necessary documents, and I ask myself "am I ready?" No matter what the answer is, I am leaving in an hour. But yes, I am ready. Despite my sister's unyielding belief that I will meet a gruesome death in Mexico or,in my father's words, that I am "wasting money" going on this trip, I am ready. I don't know what is going to happen down there but I do have faint images of me snorkeling in vivid blue water and standing in lush green jungles, quite alive and loving every money-wasted moment.

I don't know if it because I am leaving the country soon, because I am on summer vacation, or because it is simply summer (maybe all three?) but I find myself increasingly aware of the gem that is Fort Collins, Colorado. I have spent the last couple of days riding my bike around town trying to get the little necessities for my trip done. During these times, I am hyper-aware of the simple beauty that this town has to offer: an undeveloped corner full of prairie dogs chattering, a gaggle of bikers waiting while the train crosses through town, and a sky so blue, so full of white cotton clouds that after a year, I still find myself marveling at the precious blue of my overhead. Where I grew up, only after the rare rain or Santa Ana winds blew through, did the sky just dazzle in clear blue and white. "The Simpson" clouds is what I have nicknamed them.

As for my trip, I am throughly excited. Except for those few times I was lucky enough to accompany my girlfriend down across the Tijuana border while she took photographs, I haven't left this country in a decade....and damn-it, the time has come for me to go somewhere. In this whole world, I choose to explore Yucatan, Mexico. I am baffled by why? Why Yucatan? - as a solo woman traveler, wouldn't Europe be a wiser choice? So, I continue to ask the questions: What does Yucatan have in store for me? What adventures? Lessons? Life fun and heartbreak? I am really excited to find out the answers to these questions and those that I never thought to ask.

Well well well, here I am at my desk trying to sort together everything I have to do before my trip. I leave in exactly one week and feel a tad-bit overwhelmed. For the last month, I have put off doing the necessary, but mundane, things because...well, because I can be lazy at times. I need to start thinking about packing, buying those little extras like tissues (for those times that toilet paper is not available), budget my money....ah, the workings of those fine details for a trip to the Yucatan that I did not believe would truly happen. I guess I better actually get up off my ass and start doing something before I really feel the crunch of time....